Saturday, December 19, 2009

The calm before the storm.

No, no that wasn't completely a metaphor.

New York actually does have a blizzard coming, or so they say. Looks like it's time for hibernation! I'll definitely have to drop off laundry today. Really, right now would be the ideal time so I can pick it up at a decent hour tonight, but I'm still in bed and I've started blogging. Not happening.

Last night I finished a song that I had been working on. It was a rare occasion because the words and the feelings happening in the song are not coming from personal experience right now and they really have never occurred in my life. I had to make sense of it somehow because I never experienced being able to write something so effortlessly without having gone through it already, to some degree. I realized my subconscious may have written this song for my unattainable alter ego. My alter ego is fantastic, by the way. She's probably perfect. To me, at least. I don't claim her to be so perfect because of her ability to avoid human error or that she can preemptively tackle any problem that comes her way with ease and poise. No, she's a mess just like me. There's nothing actually "alter" about her, only that she attains love for herself at a constant no matter what. She takes everything that is thrown at her (by her) and is able to still see how beautiful she is as a person. She just always knows better than I do in the sense that my falters don't have to be so heavy and final. There is more to a person than his or her smile, their laugh and their love. More to a person than their generally positive outlook. My alter ego would even like to have an alter ego because I don't place her as this huge loving and pleasant creature. She's too real for that. The only reason she is my alter ego is because she knows a lot more than I do when it comes to myself and she knows I'm breaking myself for nothing. And because she will always understand. I have a pretty decent suitcase of my own of understanding, but not when it comes to myself. You always expect more from yourself and I'm no different.

The song is beautiful, sweet and to the point. I know I can be all of these things I wrote down and I know that I am, but until someone else sees it, I don't know how much water that can hold. I mean if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, did it make a sound. You've heard that before. I mean, I totally think the tree makes a sound regardless, but it makes you ponder.

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