Friday, October 30, 2009

These are the moments I was talking about!

Last night!

THAT'S what I'm saying, THAT'S what's worth it to me. Those revelations and fears that you share with someone over house tequila shots and 3$ budlights on game night. Okay, it sounds better when you don't add the gritty details, but they only add to making it a great night, no?

There was a specific moment last night that proved this point to me. On about our 5th round of drinks, our waitress, just passing by, looked at us and commented on how lucky we are and that she bets we are having a great night tonight. She was completely accurate. And in that moment, my beliefs on settling were confirmed and I will remain on this journey to find a better way. Yes, I sound foolish and I don't know when my next paychecks coming in, but I have never been happier. I can't even write songs anymore because I am content! Contentment is not my go to emotion and songs can become so cheesy... I'm slowly learning to utilize this emotion into my writing, but let me tell you, this is new for me. Being satisfied. Being content. Not giving a fuck was never knew to me, but it still stands tall today!

I really enjoy having nights like that with good company. Expressing fears, hopes, new revelations about yourself, admittance of possible surrender to something you once loved. This business really is the most brutal one. I know and understand that first hand. I think we all do, but it's not until you are actually in it that it really hits you. Hard. It's so easy to get discouraged and want to switch your focus onto something more promising, something more stable. I believe deciding that you want to become a performer in any right, you have instilled the understanding somewhere in your heart and mind that this is not going to be an easy road and that this will be the biggest risk of your life. But that's the whole point, isn't it? Anyone (though, not really) can act, but you know you have something more to offer. It's hard to see it when you realize those 300 other girls think they also have something more to offer, but if we didn't actually believe this about ourselves, I think there would be a lot less actors. At this day and age we don't even have to believe in our talent. We have to believe in that little spark, that little extra something, that we have no idea what it is, but that that's going to set us apart from everyone else. On days of auditions that you don't believe in your spark, it's not going to show up. It's only there if you want it to be there. The spark only does you the favor when you put in the work and trust yourself.

New York city is our biggest fan and our warmest (I know, it's winter) friend. It only wants to see us succeed or else people wouldn't write songs about it or the slogan would have been "If you can't make it here, you should kill yourself".. or something along those lines. New York is the biggest outlet of constant creativity and there is a stage in almost every fucking place. If you can't find inspiration and a place to fulfill your performing needs, then you're not trying at all. And I am not saying this to scold. That is not my intention, but New York is here to work for you and it will always come through. Always. Even when you don't. It will always be here waiting for you to get up and make something happen for yourself. Success is a state of mind and a wonderful state of mind when you stop believing that there's only one form of true success here or anywhere, for that matter. There's so much more to this amazing city then the Broadway, and as I still fully intend to be there one day, I'm not going to let other people tell me that I can't perform today because they didn't book me... Or even submit me to that audition. Yeah, I said it. Anyway, what I am trying to say is there will always be a stage somewhere for you here, you just have to make the first move. New York doesn't want to see you fail and neither does anyone else. You only fail if you let yourself fail and that's really hard to do. Because even your true failures weren't that big to begin with. You just have a way with exaggeration.

So, here's to you, New York. For the new adventures we are about to embark on and the new dreams we will be creating for ourselves. We couldn't do it with out you. Thanks for being awesome.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I'll settle on happiness, thank you.

So for not really leaving the house at all today, I've had quite the productive day. It feels good, doing nothing and everything all at the same time. It's completely possible. You've done it before you just don't realize it.

I quit my job today at the pub. You know, I will admit and not ashamed to in the least, that I am sort of a spoiled brat. The pier spoiled me so much. It's either I'm a brat or I understand what I want and don't want from something, no matter the subject. I just don't care enough about the outskirts of bartending.. like food service. That's not what I signed up for. I also didn't sign up for registers made in the 1920's. If you could hear my enthusiasm it would make a lot more sense with my "caring face". Look I just want easy money. You can call me a brat, if you'd like, but I will find a job elsewhere. I am really just trying to get over the fact that I am calling myself a brat. The logical side (she's very short and usually doesn't have much to say) says that I'm being a little bitch and I could have totally handled this job. The emotional side (also known on occasion as the "fat girl") knows this all too well, but doesn't want to settle. Ah, there it is! That word! Settling! There was a time when it was acceptable to settle. Like settling land and even an argument. But now to settle is telling that little puppy inside of you that you're going to need to calm your ass down over this bouncy ball because there's a lot more to this life than this bouncy ball and you're going to have to compromise your belief that these insignificant moments are significant! Now, try telling a little puppy all that and you'll get a head tilt and maybe a wag of the stumpy tail. Insignificance should be appreciated because without it how would we know what truly matters. So it holds just as much water as something significant and I wont be persuaded otherwise. Have I digressed from the original subject matter? Anyway, what I am trying to say is I want to be happy above all else and if that makes me brat then so be it.

Money will come and money will go and so will these feelings and mundane moments.. but they're so worth not letting go when they come to you. I was never one to pass up a feeling.. no matter how dreadful. I don't live to make money and I'm not saying anyone does, especially artists. All I'm saying is I'm going to find a better way, for me. I mean, I've gotta live with myself!

Today was a good day. Steering me in the right direction of productivity and creativity and new horizons... new outlooks, endless possibilities all I have to do is look somewhere else. Try not to tie myself down to one kind of money making ritual and narrow down my opportunities of being happy and wealthy and creative. I refuse to settle and I haven't settled in a long time. I take that back, actually. I tend to settle in the area that most drives me and inspires me... sort of ironic. Bad habits really never die. I never say never of course, but it's incredible to watch yourself in slow motion go through the same movements and conversations... wondering why it still works it's way to the same outcome.

I am full of love right now. I am full of angst right now. And all Killer can do is dream about chasing rabbits..

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Will not wallow.

If I could say one thing today it would be that there will always be time.

Perhaps that's my youth speaking, but that's all I have.

Relax and don't forget your purpose.

It's okay to make party favors of your own at a Chinese Wedding.

I rest my case.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

the 2836 bullshit.

it's amazing out of everything that we don't have to remember on our own anymore, the things that you actually do end up remembering. like a certain phone number. i thought i really only retained two numbers, 911 and my mother's number. it's funny to see what a little desperation can help you obtain from that memory of yours!

tonight... tonight... i am awakened at 4am, almost 5am now, to speak about my evening. well..

for the first time in my life i am so single it actually does hurt. no really, there's a pain in my side. or is that my chest? either way there's a pain. either that or i am really hungry. it's probably a combination of the two. will i get up and eat a vegan cookie? i may. will you know about it? probably.

so i got up and got 2 vegan cookies. i haven't eaten much today. I drank my meals today in the form of tequila. it's so much better that way sometimes.

you know, if there's one thing i can stress about my experience tonight it's that sometimes, we never stood a chance. no matter what we're wearing, no matter what we say or do, sometimes fate, and i use that term loosely, just doesn't allow us much leg room. i think "fate" can be determined by a lot of things. a lot of things in real time. real time choices. i feel like fate is constantly shape shifting because of the choices we make. and along with those choices are the choices that we already have made, which can and will shape when convenience and past emotions come into the play. ultimately, we do actually determine our fate. we create it's pathway, at least. so fate as being "fate" is a loose term because it's not something that we don't have control over, in a sense. i feel it is a cop out when we actually fall into the belief that we had "nothing to do with it". we totally did by that choice we made right before we called it fate. come on now. and sometimes, with certain fates, you never stood a chance. which was the whole point of this paragraph. despite what could have emerged within the time frame of the "better timing", ultimately, considering the choices that were already made, you never stood a chance. so why fret? this could be freeing in a sense. oh and just a side note, there's no such thing as good timing. it doesn't even exist. so don't let it fool you into believing that had anything to do with anything. it's a myth. also freeing.

i heard a strange bug right by my ear earlier. i hope it is gone and/or doesn't want to bite me. again..

i am learning a lot about myself. faltering is all part of the process. that doesn't bother me so much. i have come accustomed to just throwing myself out there, no matter what the situation. wether it's playing guitar in public or emotions, i have and will always fully embrace my human qualities. fuck it, ya know? it's what we do. i should work on my judgement towards other human beings. considering what i think i know about being human, everyone else is also only human. i'll make a note of that.

this is a pretty scattered blog post.. conscious though usually is. along with rational thought and revelations come unannounced jingles, ex's, and what you want to eat in the morning.

there's only so much i can say on this blog because even this can't be completely uncensored. some things must be sacred. those that are sacred are really the only things we have to differentiate between the relationships we have with people because there are just too many similarities and coincidences. as much as we think we can reserve a certain emotion towards one person and the other, in the end it's all the same just different occurrences. we're all looking for the same two things: love and laughter. it's all relative at a certain point. i am also looking for that sacredness because that really is all we have. it's that one thing only we could bring to the table and it has to be admired and even acknowledged. we all have something to bring to the table. that's nice to know. it's even better when you actually know what that is.

i will leave you with a neat mug i purchased the other day. goodnight.

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Great Halloween Debate of '08

Jason Haro to:
Susan, emetib86, me, Alejandra, Rebecca, Joey
show details 10/22/08
Alright ya'll. Lonna and I were just discussing and as sad as this sounds we're gonna have to vote to make this official...

I guess I'll start?...
My vote is for Gilligan. (i feel like we need MORE people for Waldo...)


Lonna Marie to Jason, Susan, emetib86, Alejandra, Rebecca, Joey
show details 10/22/08
I would like to remain anonymous. My vote is going for Waldo.


Joey Haro to me, Jason, Susan, emetib86, Alejandra, Rebecca
show details 10/22/08
Guys guys guys! Everyone I tell thinks waldo is hysterical. We are too good to be a typical tv show group! We can go down in the books for waldo! The BOOKS! So I'm gonna have to say


On Oct 22, 2008, at 11:49 AM,

Corey Heins to suzbanuz, rskritzer, joeyharo, me, jasonharo,
show details 10/22/08
i don't know if my waldo vote has been counted.

this is confusing.
i think its...


word to your grandmother.


Jason Haro to emetib86, rskritzer, joeyharo, me, suzbanuz,
show details 10/22/08

Lonna Marie to Jason, emetib86, rskritzer, joeyharo, suzbanuz,
show details 10/22/08

Rebecca Kritzer to me, emetib86, joeyharo, suzbanuz,
show details 10/22/08
Actually can someone just explain the Where's Waldo idea. I'm not sure I get it.... How would we all dress?

Lonna Marie to Jason, Rebecca, emetib86, Joey, Susan, Alejandra
show details 10/22/08
Yes. this is what is has come down to. Think of it as preparation for the Election. Now, will you go conservative and vote for Gilligans island, where straight marriage and vows are sacred, millionaires don't have tax cuts and Middle class has to figure out how to get off the island? Or will you vote liberal, where you are free to be who ever you are as long as you are still an american at heart? (in this case, Waldo at heart) WE THE PEOPLE!!!!!!

Tally Remains:


Jason Haro to me, Rebecca, emetib86, Joey, Susan, Alejandra
show details 10/22/08

I am shocked and appalled that you would even for a second consider Gilligan's Island to be the conservative option of the two parties. That idea is absolutely absurd!

Let's take a second to consider Gilligan (Barrack Obama) helping his fellow people band together and make due with the resources they have on that tiny deserted island. Allowing the Skipper and the Professor a right to, for lack of a better word, profess there love for one another and have the same legal rights as the Millionaire and his wife.

Now itake a second to consider the latter, Waldo (John McCain) going to war over the same colored scarfs and not allowing Ginger the right to an abortion.

AND in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty.

Thank you very much.

Lonna Marie to Jason, Rebecca, emetib86, Joey, Susan, Alejandra
show details 10/22/08
touche, jason. touche. But there is just no way that I can knowingly vote for McCain/Waldo. I mean, let's get serious. You know the Millionaire and his trophy wife are only there because their assistant made the wrong reservation. If they would have known any better they would have been on the Norwegian Cruise Line to Alaska like they had planned. Gilligan, Skipper, Ginger the whore and the "professor" are all working class citizens and you know they don't have health insurance and are clearly making minimum wage. They are working for a measly excuse of a tour ship. Gilligan and Skipper should have known better than to take out the minnow with such low budget means. Maybe if they didn't have to pay so many God forsaken taxes they would have been able to afford to take the Millionaires on the tour of a lifetime.

I digress.

Where's Waldo is Pro Obama and here's why: Everyone is created equal. "Broken Home" and "Crack Baby" Waldo's are fully accepted in the world of Waldo. You are free to be who you want to be as long as you don't try to overthrow our leader, Waldo. And that's the same in every language or political view: No assassinations. It becomes a conversation about apple's and oranges when we look at the taxing laws and health insurance benefits because Waldo's world is truly one dimensional. But I can assure you, the only reason why Waldo would go to Iraq would be to fulfill his latest adventure so that we the people can spend a few less minutes focusing on the stress that is our lives and take some time out to locate and retrieve this fun, kooky character.

I continue to digress...



Rebe, you have to vote. Don't get lost in our generation! YOU HAVE A VOICE!

Jason Haro to me
Here are the facts:

Ginger is a woman. And as a woman, she should have the right to do with her body as she pleases. Gilligan believes that it is a woman's ability to decide how many children to have and when, without interference from the Government (Waldo). It is one of the most fundamental rights they/we possess. It is not just an issue of choice but EQUALITY AND OPPORTUNITY FOR ALL WOMEN!

As for the millionaire and his wife, their assistant may have been to blame for their voyage gone awry, but this is what we the people of the United States and of this great earth consider to be a human error (otherwise known as a "mistake"). You know what's not a mistake though, the fact that you Waldo-Mavericks seem to steer clear of the same-sex issue every time it comes up; typical of your party to avoid issues of this nature.

So what if the skipper and the professor want to take their vows. So what if they want the same legal rights as a man and a woman. So what if they like hot dogs and not roast beef? So what, I say. It is time for everyone to come together and embrace individuals that our honest with themselves. We have scorned our gay brothers and sisters instead of embracing them.

As for taxes, who needs 'em when you're on an island with a population of 7? If you ask me, Gilligan and the rest of the unfortunate crew/passengers of the SS Minnow seem to be ironically fortunate.

I rest my case.

Lonna Marie to Jason, Rebecca, emetib86, Joey, Susan, Alejandra
show details 10/22/08
Clever Tranny. Clever Tranny, indeed.

We have been divided as a once strong and valued nation.

Wether it be Gilligan'08 or Waldo'08, what will be the deciding factor is how fierce we all can be.

Gilligan= Boundaries
Waldo= Opportunities

In the end, my fellow Americans, it comes down to being fierce. Will you choose to be Fierce?

I know i will.


Jason Haro to me, Rebecca, emetib86, Joey, Susan, Alejandra
show details 10/22/08
She is... Sasha Fierce.

May I ask you... do you have a robot arm too? If so, did you lose it in Iraq?

Guess you can thank Waldo for that...

Lonna Marie to Jason
show details 10/22/08
See now we have entered into cheap attacks. You know my robot arm was from a cooking accident. Let's not twist the facts, tranny.



Alejandra Alarcon to Jason, me, Rebecca, emetib86, Joey, Susan
show details 10/23/08
Ladies and gentlemen of the 2008 election. I apologize for the late response but I had to think long and hard about who was the right candidate for me. With that said...both parties gave stellar...and I mean STELLAR arguments but my final vote goes to...

Gilligan '08

Updated tally:


Lonna Marie to Alejandra, Jason, Rebecca, emetib86, Joey, Susan
show details 10/23/08
It is extremely critical that everyone votes. The power is invested in the last 2 voters. You made the choice to be the tie breakers so it's your duty to take part. Every vote counts. I can't stress that enough.

::cough, cough:: (susan and rebe!)
Do the right thing. Vote NO on Amendment Tacky. Vote YES for PRO-FIERCE.



Jason Haro to me, Alejandra, Rebecca, emetib86, Joey, Susan
show details 10/23/08
Will you let the woman decide on her own. Sheesh!! Or do feel the need to brainwash every little thing you set your eyes on...

Susan is an independent woman (cough cough), like Ginger, and she has a mind of her own.

Don't you have a fetus to save, or something?...

Lonna Marie to Jason
show details 10/23/08
It pains me that this is what you have become, Jason. I almost feel sorry for you, but you are the catalyst of your own demise. I will not play these reindeer games with you. Look, fellow Gilligans. Look at your leader. These do not look like the actions of a leader I want to be condemned to.

The tally still stands as is. Susan knows what it is to be Pro-fierce. You, Jason, apparently did not read your Sasha Fierce hand book.

It's war time.
Polls close at 11:59pm. Standard Eastern time.

Let the voting commence.

Sincerely Yours,
Senator Pin-up Waldo

Corey Heins to me, jasonharo,, rskritzer, joeyharo, suzbanuz
show details 10/23/08
I just realized I was high this morning and didn't hit reply all. so only one person got this.

jiminy crickets.
I would like to take this opportunity to explain what I will be wearing once justice is served and WALDO is the ultimate outcome here.

I'm going with the hippy-eque stoner waldo character. I'm wearing bellbottoms, red converse, a white shirt which I will have painted with a red tye-dye reminiscent but not so literal design, a big scarf with an as-yet undecided red and white pattern, red frame sunglasses, and a red and white streak in my hair. and red eyes, of course because I will be high.

I invite you all to think of what kind of Waldo you could be. pin up style waldo, high fashion waldo, party monster waldo. the possibilities are endless. just wear red and white.

and I think its bobo that Jason, who would be the star of the facebook album, is supporting another cause! Thats like the pope becoming a jew.

so now its up to you, susan. for both of us. now its up to youuuuuu

PS if you don't like waldo, you can be target. or the white stripes.

Susan Gearou to me, Jason, Alejandra, Rebecca, emetib86, Joey
show details 10/24/08
After much debate, bribery, clever campaign motifs, and heart wrenching emails, I have finally come up with my final decision.

For Halloween this year, I feel as though WALDO is the better option!


It was a strong year for both nominees. We hope to see Gilligan again in the next election.

Lonna Marie to Rebecca, Susan, Jason, Alejandra, emetib86, Joey
show details 10/24/08
Like I've stated to my ridiculously fabulous and headstrong running mate, it was a pleasure to be a part of this once in a lifetime election with you. Though some of your campaigning was below the belt, you showed true character and poise as a raging homosexual with fierce left wing beliefs. It was a beautiful election. I think that's the best word to describe it.

Now, we the people, can look onward and upward to our bright future!

Rebe has, thoughtfully, put together the official list of positions. I will copy and paste the following:

Jason-Authentic Waldo
Lonna-Pin-up Waldo
Corey-Hippie Waldo

Thank you to everyone who voted and happy Waldo finding!

Your Commander in Chief,
Pin-up Waldo

Jason Haro to me, Rebecca, Susan, Alejandra, emetib86, Joey
show details 10/24/08
I refuse to give a concession speech... but may I say that:

It was a pleasure having you as a competitor as well. You were "fierce" and I hope to have the opportunity to compete with you again in the upcoming elections of '09.

I have taken the liberty of sending you a gift in the mail - a can of WD-40, with your name on it - is on it's way to your estate; in case your having one of those days, and need to get the kinks out of your robotic arm.

I wish we could chat longer, but I don't want to miss Susan's public execution; I had to pull some strings...

Good night and Good Luck,
Gilligan (a.k.a. Authentic Waldo)

Jason Haro to me, Rebecca, Susan, Alejandra, emetib86, Joey
show details 10/24/08
You guys really should have made it out to the execution. Susan looked stunning.

I brought you all back a souvenir -

and Remember to ROCK THE VOTE! wisely...


Oh, look! She blogged again! Neat!

Neat is right! Look at me go!


So I am reading over my notebook that I have been writing notes and songs in for almost 2 years. It is extremely interesting reading over the notes, quotes and ideas that come out right before I am able to write the song in or out of sequence. The one liners or the phrases that stick out and then just the fluff of other ideas and pretty words that circulate around the actual idea that probably wont make the song, but just further along the process. It's fascinating, really. It's like I'm studying myself, my mind, rather. As much as we think we are in control it's always been a struggle to actually control our thought process and what we can and can't think about. Nearly impossible, at least in this little mind. But it's fun seeing the finished product, how it was even able to get there with these notes that you've taken. No wonder it's therapeutic.

i thought i'd share a few notes and ideas that never actually made any of my songs but still have the weight to hold their own, in their own right, as thorough ideas and emotions. There's also some mutations of actual song lyrics. It's crasy to see where they started and finally ended.

Bridge to "Before I knew your name" First cut-

"Give me your hand, I'd like to take you up on this dance.
Let's keep it slow, find our flow,
maybe taste the sweet romance
Don't pack your things just yet,
We've still got some of summer left.
We're high enough,
to ride this ride,
even for one night"

Now it was shaved down to this version, the final version-

"Don't pack your things just yet.
We've still got some of summer left.
This might be our only shot,
we owe it to give it all we got.
We'll take it slow,
imagine where we can go"

These are some ideas that circulated around the idea to the song "Before I knew your name"

"What's in a name
take back the part where we opened our mouths
let's lock eyes again for the first time
so you can take my breath away again
i wish i never knew your name
i wish i could forget your name"

**Punctuation and grammar went out the window on that stanza and most likely from here on out. Don't Judge.

This is probably going to be a verse of a song eventually-

"I'm just going my own way, you decide if you can stay
you can call it what you like, i wont put up a fight
but i refuse to be named, as the love that was in vain
you walked away from me before, and now i'm locking that door"

These are mumbo jumbo that will fit somewhere, someday-

"the train cradles my thoughts as I try to piece together what i thought i had [understood]
my truly phantom lover, i have met my match
i will not speak again until spoken to
i'll remain in my head until you are awakened"

"Opened my eyes, it's you i find
my saving grace, my bottom line
took time away, you couldn't stay
i dreamt one day, we'd find our way
fate took a turn, then watched us burn
another mile, endure this trial"

"a happy childhood needs a parents unhappy childhood" -I found that quote somewhere. i think it was postsecret.

"wanting to say something more
not sure of the words
not sure if there are any words
to rule this moment"

"we knew what were getting ourselves into because of the faith we had in the decision. why can't that faith hold any water when things get complicated?"

".. just stop believing there's a reason why you thought he was the one
might as well just be a stranger with the damage that he's done"

"you were like this dream, this ongoing dream that i knew i was having and knew i could just wake up and shake you off"

And I am going to end this segment with another bridge mutation (it's always the bridges!)

"Ode to an unrequited love" Bridge, first draft-

"you put up with this fight for far too long
it's time for me to go, there's no way to make this right
you were the best part of me but i was blinded by your light"

Unfinished as well, I see. Then the final product!

"you don't need to win this fight, there's no way I can make this right
you are the best damn thing i'll ever give my heart away to
don't, don't lose sight of your beautiful light"

Moral of the story? LESS IS MORE!

Well, I hope this was somewhat interesting to someone out there. I just thought it was fun to see behind the thought process and how one idea comes back to you eventually and is able to hold water for an entire song. That's cool, no!? Okay I'm done here I need to shower and start my day even though I would love nothing more than to stay in this bed all day long..

But alas,

Happy Monday everyone!

Monday, October 5, 2009

I'm bringing blogging back-- (what?)

No, I'm actually not bringing blogging back. At all. I am probably the worst blogger ever but it was the first thing that came to my head when trying to come up with a clever title for this entry. I failed miserably. I apologize.

Moving on..

I'm trying not to erase anything I say because I don't want to sensor or fabricate my conscious train of thought. That's hard to do because I would be lying if I said I haven't deleted anything thus far. Oh well, I'm a blog virgin. Be kind. I am only here because I have become reluctantly committed to a melody that I can't seem to have anything to write about to it. I find myself writing about love. Good, great, wonderful love and I don't even believe in the damn thing as I once used to! I don't believe myself when I write "You're my saving grace beyond this place." Who exactly am I speaking of? It's very uninspiring to try and write a song about something that holds no water in your actual reality. Then I thought about, well I can be speaking of that "potential" person who will come into existence at some point in my life, but ugh... I don't want to write about it if I don't have it. That's not to say I've never had it because I most definitely have had something close to it. But if I were to write a song about my past, well, I just have too much pride for that apparently. Why continue to give those figures any credit? I've already written countless songs about them and the experience, they don't need another one do they? Those feelings and figures are long expired now. It would be more of a chore for me to sit here and write about those good times. They don't exist anymore. Neither do the figures. Not at this moment in my life, though I think of them often. More so about when they will reenter my life. I do believe they will one day, but whoa. What will that be like?

I can't seem to write this damn song right now, which is why I am here. I want to write something, figured I'd blog a bit. Ugh, and get the first draft of the verse: "some might say it's too soon, but I can't help myself. I traded in my heart to believe in something else." It kind of makes me want to throw up. I can't help myself? Really? You sure about that, Lonna? I don't even know why my mind has gone there. I like the idea of writing a song about someone you haven't met before, but I don't want to act as if I've actually found it. I don't want to have to set up the song with a spiel explaining this is about someone I hope to meet and then have it sung as if I found him. Is that making any sense? That's annoying and this premises is annoying me.

I wonder if I'm going to actually start blogging? That would be weird, no? I mean, I don't think I'd read my tantrums, but then again someone could be just as bored and uninspired as me and want to immerse themselves in someone else's strife. Maybe, just maybe. This song has such a pretty melody, too. It's a shame it's pissing me off. It will come together eventually because this is just how I work. When I actually want to try and sit down to write a song it becomes a relentless mission. But it's when I least expect it to, it all comes together and I am able to crap out a song in a day or two. Sometimes a few hours. So I should know better then to force it, but still. It really grinds my gears.

What a dreadfully lazy Monday for me. I haven't done a damn thing and I could definitely use a shower. said now that Mercury is out of retrograde (whatever that really means) I will become more inspired and these next 2 months (?) are the time for me to really get my shit together and just get shit done. I guess I should stop giving this stupid song credit for making me feel useless, but I do right now. Really just today. I am usually perfectly fine with being a bum, but I guess since I've actually been doing things with my life I almost feel guilty to just sit around all day. That's new!

If this gets too long I know no one will want to read it. I always do a quick scan on length whenever I am reading something and if it's just way too long for comfort I look the other way. More so on the computer. I hate reading things on the computer. Not sure why. Well anyway, I guess that's all for now, for this moment in time. Just figured it would be healthy and profitable in a sense if I wrote something today even if it wasn't the damn song I intended.