Oh, look! She blogged again! Neat!

Neat is right! Look at me go!

Anyway..

So I am reading over my notebook that I have been writing notes and songs in for almost 2 years. It is extremely interesting reading over the notes, quotes and ideas that come out right before I am able to write the song in or out of sequence. The one liners or the phrases that stick out and then just the fluff of other ideas and pretty words that circulate around the actual idea that probably wont make the song, but just further along the process. It's fascinating, really. It's like I'm studying myself, my mind, rather. As much as we think we are in control it's always been a struggle to actually control our thought process and what we can and can't think about. Nearly impossible, at least in this little mind. But it's fun seeing the finished product, how it was even able to get there with these notes that you've taken. No wonder it's therapeutic.

i thought i'd share a few notes and ideas that never actually made any of my songs but still have the weight to hold their own, in their own right, as thorough ideas and emotions. There's also some mutations of actual song lyrics. It's crasy to see where they started and finally ended.

Bridge to "Before I knew your name" First cut-

"Give me your hand, I'd like to take you up on this dance.
Let's keep it slow, find our flow,
maybe taste the sweet romance
Don't pack your things just yet,
We've still got some of summer left.
We're high enough,
to ride this ride,
even for one night"

Now it was shaved down to this version, the final version-

"Don't pack your things just yet.
We've still got some of summer left.
This might be our only shot,
we owe it to give it all we got.
We'll take it slow,
imagine where we can go"

These are some ideas that circulated around the idea to the song "Before I knew your name"

"What's in a name
take back the part where we opened our mouths
let's lock eyes again for the first time
so you can take my breath away again
i wish i never knew your name
i wish i could forget your name"

**Punctuation and grammar went out the window on that stanza and most likely from here on out. Don't Judge.

This is probably going to be a verse of a song eventually-

"I'm just going my own way, you decide if you can stay
you can call it what you like, i wont put up a fight
but i refuse to be named, as the love that was in vain
you walked away from me before, and now i'm locking that door"

These are mumbo jumbo that will fit somewhere, someday-

"the train cradles my thoughts as I try to piece together what i thought i had [understood]
my truly phantom lover, i have met my match
i will not speak again until spoken to
i'll remain in my head until you are awakened"

"Opened my eyes, it's you i find
my saving grace, my bottom line
took time away, you couldn't stay
i dreamt one day, we'd find our way
fate took a turn, then watched us burn
another mile, endure this trial"

"a happy childhood needs a parents unhappy childhood" -I found that quote somewhere. i think it was postsecret.

"wanting to say something more
not sure of the words
not sure if there are any words
to rule this moment"

"we knew what were getting ourselves into because of the faith we had in the decision. why can't that faith hold any water when things get complicated?"

".. just stop believing there's a reason why you thought he was the one
might as well just be a stranger with the damage that he's done"

"you were like this dream, this ongoing dream that i knew i was having and knew i could just wake up and shake you off"


And I am going to end this segment with another bridge mutation (it's always the bridges!)

"Ode to an unrequited love" Bridge, first draft-

"you put up with this fight for far too long
it's time for me to go, there's no way to make this right
you were the best part of me but i was blinded by your light"

Unfinished as well, I see. Then the final product!

"you don't need to win this fight, there's no way I can make this right
you are the best damn thing i'll ever give my heart away to
don't, don't lose sight of your beautiful light"

Moral of the story? LESS IS MORE!

Well, I hope this was somewhat interesting to someone out there. I just thought it was fun to see behind the thought process and how one idea comes back to you eventually and is able to hold water for an entire song. That's cool, no!? Okay I'm done here I need to shower and start my day even though I would love nothing more than to stay in this bed all day long..

But alas,

Happy Monday everyone!

I'm bringing blogging back-- (what?)

No, I'm actually not bringing blogging back. At all. I am probably the worst blogger ever but it was the first thing that came to my head when trying to come up with a clever title for this entry. I failed miserably. I apologize.

Moving on..

I'm trying not to erase anything I say because I don't want to sensor or fabricate my conscious train of thought. That's hard to do because I would be lying if I said I haven't deleted anything thus far. Oh well, I'm a blog virgin. Be kind. I am only here because I have become reluctantly committed to a melody that I can't seem to have anything to write about to it. I find myself writing about love. Good, great, wonderful love and I don't even believe in the damn thing as I once used to! I don't believe myself when I write "You're my saving grace beyond this place." Who exactly am I speaking of? It's very uninspiring to try and write a song about something that holds no water in your actual reality. Then I thought about, well I can be speaking of that "potential" person who will come into existence at some point in my life, but ugh... I don't want to write about it if I don't have it. That's not to say I've never had it because I most definitely have had something close to it. But if I were to write a song about my past, well, I just have too much pride for that apparently. Why continue to give those figures any credit? I've already written countless songs about them and the experience, they don't need another one do they? Those feelings and figures are long expired now. It would be more of a chore for me to sit here and write about those good times. They don't exist anymore. Neither do the figures. Not at this moment in my life, though I think of them often. More so about when they will reenter my life. I do believe they will one day, but whoa. What will that be like?

I can't seem to write this damn song right now, which is why I am here. I want to write something, figured I'd blog a bit. Ugh, and get the first draft of the verse: "some might say it's too soon, but I can't help myself. I traded in my heart to believe in something else." It kind of makes me want to throw up. I can't help myself? Really? You sure about that, Lonna? I don't even know why my mind has gone there. I like the idea of writing a song about someone you haven't met before, but I don't want to act as if I've actually found it. I don't want to have to set up the song with a spiel explaining this is about someone I hope to meet and then have it sung as if I found him. Is that making any sense? That's annoying and this premises is annoying me.

I wonder if I'm going to actually start blogging? That would be weird, no? I mean, I don't think I'd read my tantrums, but then again someone could be just as bored and uninspired as me and want to immerse themselves in someone else's strife. Maybe, just maybe. This song has such a pretty melody, too. It's a shame it's pissing me off. It will come together eventually because this is just how I work. When I actually want to try and sit down to write a song it becomes a relentless mission. But it's when I least expect it to, it all comes together and I am able to crap out a song in a day or two. Sometimes a few hours. So I should know better then to force it, but still. It really grinds my gears.

What a dreadfully lazy Monday for me. I haven't done a damn thing and I could definitely use a shower. Astrologyzone.com said now that Mercury is out of retrograde (whatever that really means) I will become more inspired and these next 2 months (?) are the time for me to really get my shit together and just get shit done. I guess I should stop giving this stupid song credit for making me feel useless, but I do right now. Really just today. I am usually perfectly fine with being a bum, but I guess since I've actually been doing things with my life I almost feel guilty to just sit around all day. That's new!

If this gets too long I know no one will want to read it. I always do a quick scan on length whenever I am reading something and if it's just way too long for comfort I look the other way. More so on the computer. I hate reading things on the computer. Not sure why. Well anyway, I guess that's all for now, for this moment in time. Just figured it would be healthy and profitable in a sense if I wrote something today even if it wasn't the damn song I intended.

New original song! -- untitled --

NEW SONG -- check it out :)

Ode to an unrequited love:

Lonna Marie on Facebook

"Ode to an Unrequited love"

You are the song in my day 'cause I'll never sing a note,
wont you sing me to sleep, I'm on the verge of tearing
Why can't I lie here, and never want to let this go
You are my light dear, but our moon is growing dim tonight
Unclench your fists, let go of me and take back what you can

And I'll be back someday
to pick up all the pieces
that I made with the tiny little heart you gave me
I didn't know we could feel so much and fall so hard
After all this time, I'm sorry we fell apart

Show me the way from your heart, I can't do it all myself
I will leave while you sleep, and hope you dream of me
Before I knew, all that I would take from you
I meant every word, all those words, were made because of you

And I'll be back someday
to pick up all the pieces
that I made with the tiny little heart you gave me
I didn't know we could feel so much and fall so hard
After all this time, I'm sorry we fell apart

You don't need to win this fight
There's no way I can make this right
You were the best damn thing I'll ever give my heart away to
Don't, don't lose sight of your beautiful light

And I'll be back someday
to pick up all the pieces
that I made with the tiny little heart you gave me
I didn't know we could feel so much and fall so hard
After all this time, I'm sorry we fell apart