No, I'm actually not bringing blogging back. At all. I am probably the worst blogger ever but it was the first thing that came to my head when trying to come up with a clever title for this entry. I failed miserably. I apologize.
I'm trying not to erase anything I say because I don't want to sensor or fabricate my conscious train of thought. That's hard to do because I would be lying if I said I haven't deleted anything thus far. Oh well, I'm a blog virgin. Be kind. I am only here because I have become reluctantly committed to a melody that I can't seem to have anything to write about to it. I find myself writing about love. Good, great, wonderful love and I don't even believe in the damn thing as I once used to! I don't believe myself when I write "You're my saving grace beyond this place." Who exactly am I speaking of? It's very uninspiring to try and write a song about something that holds no water in your actual reality. Then I thought about, well I can be speaking of that "potential" person who will come into existence at some point in my life, but ugh... I don't want to write about it if I don't have it. That's not to say I've never had it because I most definitely have had something close to it. But if I were to write a song about my past, well, I just have too much pride for that apparently. Why continue to give those figures any credit? I've already written countless songs about them and the experience, they don't need another one do they? Those feelings and figures are long expired now. It would be more of a chore for me to sit here and write about those good times. They don't exist anymore. Neither do the figures. Not at this moment in my life, though I think of them often. More so about when they will reenter my life. I do believe they will one day, but whoa. What will that be like?
I can't seem to write this damn song right now, which is why I am here. I want to write something, figured I'd blog a bit. Ugh, and get the first draft of the verse: "some might say it's too soon, but I can't help myself. I traded in my heart to believe in something else." It kind of makes me want to throw up. I can't help myself? Really? You sure about that, Lonna? I don't even know why my mind has gone there. I like the idea of writing a song about someone you haven't met before, but I don't want to act as if I've actually found it. I don't want to have to set up the song with a spiel explaining this is about someone I hope to meet and then have it sung as if I found him. Is that making any sense? That's annoying and this premises is annoying me.
I wonder if I'm going to actually start blogging? That would be weird, no? I mean, I don't think I'd read my tantrums, but then again someone could be just as bored and uninspired as me and want to immerse themselves in someone else's strife. Maybe, just maybe. This song has such a pretty melody, too. It's a shame it's pissing me off. It will come together eventually because this is just how I work. When I actually want to try and sit down to write a song it becomes a relentless mission. But it's when I least expect it to, it all comes together and I am able to crap out a song in a day or two. Sometimes a few hours. So I should know better then to force it, but still. It really grinds my gears.
What a dreadfully lazy Monday for me. I haven't done a damn thing and I could definitely use a shower. Astrologyzone.com said now that Mercury is out of retrograde (whatever that really means) I will become more inspired and these next 2 months (?) are the time for me to really get my shit together and just get shit done. I guess I should stop giving this stupid song credit for making me feel useless, but I do right now. Really just today. I am usually perfectly fine with being a bum, but I guess since I've actually been doing things with my life I almost feel guilty to just sit around all day. That's new!
If this gets too long I know no one will want to read it. I always do a quick scan on length whenever I am reading something and if it's just way too long for comfort I look the other way. More so on the computer. I hate reading things on the computer. Not sure why. Well anyway, I guess that's all for now, for this moment in time. Just figured it would be healthy and profitable in a sense if I wrote something today even if it wasn't the damn song I intended.