Monday, October 5, 2009

I'm bringing blogging back-- (what?)

No, I'm actually not bringing blogging back. At all. I am probably the worst blogger ever but it was the first thing that came to my head when trying to come up with a clever title for this entry. I failed miserably. I apologize.

Moving on..

I'm trying not to erase anything I say because I don't want to sensor or fabricate my conscious train of thought. That's hard to do because I would be lying if I said I haven't deleted anything thus far. Oh well, I'm a blog virgin. Be kind. I am only here because I have become reluctantly committed to a melody that I can't seem to have anything to write about to it. I find myself writing about love. Good, great, wonderful love and I don't even believe in the damn thing as I once used to! I don't believe myself when I write "You're my saving grace beyond this place." Who exactly am I speaking of? It's very uninspiring to try and write a song about something that holds no water in your actual reality. Then I thought about, well I can be speaking of that "potential" person who will come into existence at some point in my life, but ugh... I don't want to write about it if I don't have it. That's not to say I've never had it because I most definitely have had something close to it. But if I were to write a song about my past, well, I just have too much pride for that apparently. Why continue to give those figures any credit? I've already written countless songs about them and the experience, they don't need another one do they? Those feelings and figures are long expired now. It would be more of a chore for me to sit here and write about those good times. They don't exist anymore. Neither do the figures. Not at this moment in my life, though I think of them often. More so about when they will reenter my life. I do believe they will one day, but whoa. What will that be like?

I can't seem to write this damn song right now, which is why I am here. I want to write something, figured I'd blog a bit. Ugh, and get the first draft of the verse: "some might say it's too soon, but I can't help myself. I traded in my heart to believe in something else." It kind of makes me want to throw up. I can't help myself? Really? You sure about that, Lonna? I don't even know why my mind has gone there. I like the idea of writing a song about someone you haven't met before, but I don't want to act as if I've actually found it. I don't want to have to set up the song with a spiel explaining this is about someone I hope to meet and then have it sung as if I found him. Is that making any sense? That's annoying and this premises is annoying me.

I wonder if I'm going to actually start blogging? That would be weird, no? I mean, I don't think I'd read my tantrums, but then again someone could be just as bored and uninspired as me and want to immerse themselves in someone else's strife. Maybe, just maybe. This song has such a pretty melody, too. It's a shame it's pissing me off. It will come together eventually because this is just how I work. When I actually want to try and sit down to write a song it becomes a relentless mission. But it's when I least expect it to, it all comes together and I am able to crap out a song in a day or two. Sometimes a few hours. So I should know better then to force it, but still. It really grinds my gears.

What a dreadfully lazy Monday for me. I haven't done a damn thing and I could definitely use a shower. said now that Mercury is out of retrograde (whatever that really means) I will become more inspired and these next 2 months (?) are the time for me to really get my shit together and just get shit done. I guess I should stop giving this stupid song credit for making me feel useless, but I do right now. Really just today. I am usually perfectly fine with being a bum, but I guess since I've actually been doing things with my life I almost feel guilty to just sit around all day. That's new!

If this gets too long I know no one will want to read it. I always do a quick scan on length whenever I am reading something and if it's just way too long for comfort I look the other way. More so on the computer. I hate reading things on the computer. Not sure why. Well anyway, I guess that's all for now, for this moment in time. Just figured it would be healthy and profitable in a sense if I wrote something today even if it wasn't the damn song I intended.


Jon Preston said...

How about instead of writing about the experience of the person you have yet to meet, maybe write about the idea of that any one moment has the potential to lead to any other moment. That every instance in your day has no less potential to be the most profound instance you will ever experience. One day you will experience the best day of your life, in contrast to every other day in your life, and there is no presupposed premise that limits today to any bounds of experience. Today could be the best day of your life, today could be the day you meet that silhouette of a person you've been describing. Its not so much that you're writing about someone whom you have not met. Its that you are writing about the potentiality of that person being ever-present. Any day, any morning, any moment could lead to the most important moment of your life. And when it presents itself, will you be able to recognize it, and if you recognize it, will you have the strength of will to act on intuition, on blind faith. When you see HIM, or HER, walking down the hallway, finally, will you LIVE IN THE SHARPEST EDGE OF THAT MOMENT and embrace confrontation, or better yet initiate!, or will you merely say "hi" in passing, giving up all of the potential of what that moment could have been. No one moment has any more or less potential than any other moment to yield anything and everything you could have ever wanted... i'm feeling bored and unproductive today too hahha

hellostranger said...

That might go down as the best and most eloquent response ever posted in the history of blogs.. or at least my blog. My blog for sure. And this actually helped a million times over... I think the idea and lyrics are actually coming together for me! I almost can say I have real hope and promise for this song! How did you do that?!?

Jon Preston said...

I'm glad it helped, can't wait to hear it. I'd love to collaborate with you sometime...i'll send you some stuff i've been working on if you're lucky ;)

hellostranger said...

doooooo it!